I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
