My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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