how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize