i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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