So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect