I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
