I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
A bitchslap is in order.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
