Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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