hotel room ftw
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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