Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
