I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
