I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
