when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish i was in the wii world.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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