this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
