Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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