While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
