i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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