He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
