I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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