He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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