Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Someone shattered a urinal.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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