i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
