How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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