she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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