Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
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he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
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How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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