Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Even my vagina gasped.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
