Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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