I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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