I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
