is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
