I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
