Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
