Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize