In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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