Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
