My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
