i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
