just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
