My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
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so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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