Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
