just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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