finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
