I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
