my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she looked like the before picture.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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