...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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