I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
