He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
