i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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