Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize