I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Four minutes until I can fart!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
