clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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