When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
