My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
