Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
