is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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