we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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