I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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