i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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