I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
